2003 recap/2004 goals/resolutions
Friday, Jan. 02, 2004 ~ 10:21 p.m.
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I guess it's time for my annual year in review/goals entry. Last year I was a little more timely than I am this year. I at least got the entry done on the first day off the year. This year, I'm a day later. C'est la Vie. Actually, that ties into one of my "resolutions" for this new year. But, first thing first. The year 2003.... If you ask Gerald, I've changed a great deal and we can credit this to one person that's been a part of my life the entire year. We're friends at the moment. For a while, we had the potential to be more, then life got in the way. He managed to waltz past all my defenses and he opened me up, but he did so without making me feel uncomfortable in any way. For those who meet me, you might see that I have a hard time looking you in the eyes, and that has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with me. My eyes may be one of my best features, but they're also one of my most vulnerable. You can see everything in my eyes and I don't like to let people see that much. I'm able to look him in the eyes without a struggle. So this past year didn't have as many changes as the year before. I guess the easiest ways of going through the year is to go through last year's resolutions. The first was to live, and since I'm writing this, I think I did. But I also didn't hold back as much as I used to. It ties into the whole "opening up" thing that Daniel got me to do. Linda helped with part of it by not letting me edit my thoughts when getting Daniel a birthday card. I also didn't let myself over think things that I used to. I went and met a friend that I had only known online. Granted, I took my brother with me, but last year I never would have considered doing that at all. Life is really too short to talk yourself out of doing stuff because it might not work out. The second resolution was to move out. I did back in February. Into my own apartment. Eventually I want to buy a house for myself, but I think that might be a little further in the future. The third was the ever present "lose weight" resolution. But hey, I managed to do that. I look so much better than I did last year at this time. Though, moving out had a lot to do with that. I don't eat nearly as well as I did when I lived at my parents house. I eat enough for me, and sometimes I forget to eat, or get too lazy to eat, but I have to be careful with all of that 'cause I start to get shaky and lose concentration if I wait too long to eat something. I'm going to skip number four for a minute and move to number five. The fifth resolution for this past year was to "fix" things. I did a decent job of doing that. I'm all caught up on my bills at the moment. I might get a little behind this month because of the week I took off for the Christmas trip to Illinois, but I'm also doing some extra things for money. I didn't send anything to Keith because he's no longer an issue at all. I rarely think about him. I think that I'm completely over it. I've moved on, and that's a very liberating feeling, I guess. The fourth resolution is the only one that I'm not sure I accomplished. I may have half accomplished it, but it's a complicated one. I didn't get myself into an official relationship, but I spent a good portion of the year in a friendship that was verging on being more, and the fact that I was willing to let it be more is what counts. I'm still not good at letting myself be loved, but I might be if the right person taps into that. I've learned over this past year that I can't dive into this stuff with thought alone. It's also not smart to dive in based solely on feeling. There's got to be a blend of the two. I'm just now getting the hang of it I think. That's basically it. As far as the other stuff, I went back to work for Home Depot, and my hair is still its natural color (which is quite amazing if you've known me). I'm not sure what else there is to say, so I'm going to move onto the goals/"resolutions" for the coming year. 1. Procrastination No, this is not a resolution to procrastinate more. I don't think that's possible in any way. I procrastinate with everything. Procrastination is part of the reason I'm late to work often. You'd think that, with living only a mile away from work, I'd be able to get there on time. This isn't so. So, I want to work on my promptness and I want to quit leaving things to the last minute all the time. This, along with the carry-over from last year, is probably going to be the hardest. 2. Love "As well as allowing myself to be loved. I don't do that very well. I need to work on my intimate shyness. My social shyness is no longer an issue. Perhaps the gypsy thing is a good thing from time to time. Because of my moving around, I found that I had to talk to people. Now, I just have to open up to people and quit worrying about getting hurt. I guard my heart too much." This is the carry-over from last year. The goals are the same, so I thought it best to just cut and paste from last years entry. 3. Clean Basically, get this apartment cleaned up and presentable for company. I'd like to let people into the downstairs at least. And, I'd like to keep it clean. I'm a perfectionist at heart which basically means that my comfort zone is an absolute disaster. 4. Follow-thru I want to finish the things that I start. I want to work more on my story and stick with it. I want to keep up with the various craft projects that I have going. I want to finish books that I start. 5. Assertiveness As Daniel says, I need to be more assertive in things that I do. He, of course, was telling me this to poke at me in fun, but it's true. So, I'm going to try. I think that should about do it. If I think of anything else, you can be sure that I'll yap at everyone some more. Blessed Be. 0 comments so far   
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