The Ideal Man {020901}
2001-02-09 ~ 05:35:23

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I was asked early yesterday morning {before I had gone to bed} what my ideal man was. I thought about that, and I realized that I had never given it much thought. I went to bed yesterday morning at around 8am, after talking to my roommate as she got ready for school, and I didn't wake again until 2 in the afternoon. When I woke, that question was still with me.

I think it may be a good time to explore the answer to that question since I am in college and this is the time that I'm supposed to be searching for that one . . . but it's hard to search for something if you don't know what you're looking for.

I guess the best place to start to do this is at the beginning.

My first crush was on one of two guys . . . the guys were separated by 3000 miles, and I'm not sure which caught my attention first. There was the one who lived by me and who I went to school with, Danny. And there was the one who lived near my dad and was my younger brother's best friend, Shaun.

There was a difference between those two. That difference was that Shaun had an interest in me too . . . Danny didn't . . . or at least he never let on if he did.

Danny and I met in 4th or 5th grade, and that's when my crush on him started. He was a good looking boy who grew to be a good looking teen. Him and I had the same circle of friends and we flirted. It wasn't the cute flirting though, it was that elementary school/junior high school way of flirting . . . pinching, pushing, mocking and basically making fun of each other . . . there were times when him and I would both go home from with a few new bruises. Especially during junior high in band . . . when we split the band in half to do a really pretty song requiring two bands. Danny played trombone, and I played baritone at the time, and we both got put in the same band, and we had to sit next to each other . . . putting us within arms reach of each other proved to be a bad idea.

There was another time when him and I got kicked out of a lunch time ice cream party thing that we were a part of in 7th grade . . .I remember that so well because my mother supplied the ice cream for it (she was interning at Dreyers at the time). It's a good thing she wasn't there though . . .

It wasn't always like that around him though. Outside of school was much different. We both played sports . . . he played baseball and I played softball . . . and if we ever happened to be playing at the same ball park, one of us would usually come and watch the other play for a bit . . . and a time or two when I was walking near his house him and I talked like normal people . . .

I continued to have a crush on him until him and I both moved away right before we went into 11th grade. I haven't seen him since, so I don't know how he is . . . or how his life went . . . He had to move to Alaska when I had to move down to San Diego.

I guess perhaps I had an interest in Danny because I felt he was unattainable. He always went out with a certain type of girl, and I wasn't that type.

>So far . . . my ideal guy is good looking and unattainable . . . <

Shaun was my brother's best friend . . . my brother is 4 years younger than me, but Shaun was almost two years older than I was. Shaun was an interesting one. He went to church at the same place my dad and that half of my family went . . . which is how I met him . . . we also did that flirtatious punching thing . . . though not nearly on the scale that Danny and I did it . . . Shaun and I did more of the cute flirt thing . . . which drove my brother nuts . . Perhaps that's part of the reason I did it . . . Shaun had a bit of that "bad boy" thing going . . . and that really intrigued me . . . I think that's what I liked most about him.

He was also good looking . . . and he had a nice neck . . . (yes, I have a thing for necks).

Him and I almost went out once . . . we were always writing letters back and forth to each other . . . and we had decided that we should go out . . .so we weren't left wondering "if only . .. " . . . however . . . when the time came, and I asked him if he had a girlfriend (even though I told him in a letter that I didn't care if he had a girlfriend, as long as he didn't lie to me) he told me that he didn't . . . and I would have believed him if I hadn't gotten talked into teaching Vacation bible school (*gasps* . . . yes . . . me, the non religious person has taught bible school) . . . I was put in the same class room as Shaun's sister . . . as well as my late brother Matthew . . . who enjoyed pointing out that I had a crush on Shaun . . . and so I had found out before talking to Shaun that he was indeed seeing someone else . . . so I didn't go out with him because he lied to me.

>My ideal guy has now changed to being good looking and somewhat "bad boy"-ish and away from being unattainable.<

I think the next person to talk about would be Brian.

I met Brian when I was in 7th grade and after I joined the jazz band. Brian was in 8th grade and he was another trombone player. He was blonde and funny. Him and I got to talking after a while, and somehow he found out that I liked him . . . So, he had gone off to Vegas with his parents one weekend and he called me from there just to talk. Shortly after he got back, I started getting calls from a friend of his . . . I forget the guys name now, but that's not important . . . during one of these calls, the friend asked me if I wanted to go out with Brian . . . I didn't know what to say then, but I did know that I wanted Brian to ask me for himself. So, when Brian called next time, I told him that I couldn't answer until he asked me himself. He did ask me, but not until after he forced his friend, Jason, into the closet . . . and I said yes . . . but then it was awkward at school . . . and a few days later Brian had an ex-girlfriend of his (another 8th grader) call me and tell me that he didn't want to go out with me anymore . . . and that was the end of that . . .

>A good looking, "bad boy"-ish guy who has guts to speak for himself.<

There were other crushes in Junior high . . . some within my main circle of friends, and some out side of that.

There was another Shaun that I liked in Junior high . . . he was a sax player . . . and he was the first one that I didn't get embarrassed in front of . . . there was a time that a friend of mine and I were talking to Shaun before class . . and in an attempt to embarrass me, she told him right there that I liked him . . . I just kinda shrugged and said "yep" . . .

And there was also Glen . . . He was most definitely good looking . . . and he had longer hair than most the guys . . . so he kinda had a bad boy-ish look to him . . . but he also looked somewhat soft spoken, sensitive even . . . and I found that very attractive . . .

>A good looking, "bad boy"-ish guy who has guts to speak for himself, but is also sensitive.<

And that brings us to high school . . . which I think I'll leave until the next entry as it's getting late, and I should get to sleep soon.

Until then.


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