The Fragile
03-09-01 ~ 17:03:45

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Another lovely Rambling entry I think will do for today . . .

I haven't had many dreams lately . . . the last one was the Sword Play dream (and yes, I'm still working on the story . . . though I didn't do any of it yet today)

Today's song of Choice:

she shines
in a world full of ugliness
she matters
when everything is meaningless

she doesn't see her beauty
she tries to get away
it's just that nothing seems worth saving
i can't watch her slip away

i won't let you fall apart

she reads the minds of all the people as they pass her by
hoping someone can see
if i could fix myself i'd -
but it's too late for me

i won't let you fall apart

we'll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
i'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
...but they keep waiting
...and picking...

it's something that i have to do
i was there, too
before everything else
i was like you

The Fragile, by Nine Inch Nails.

Now why, you might ask, did I choose this song for today?

The answer is somewhat simple. I've been thinking about Jason, and where he might have run off to . . . he hasn't updated his diary in a while . . . not that I could really go take a look at it since he went and passworded it, then left without saying bye . . . but that's the type of thing that he always used to do . . . So I guess I should be used to it by now . . .

Anyway . . . the reason this song has anything to do with him is because this song is the reason I got mad at him and killed any possibility of a future for us . . .the basic story is that he was trying to pass song lyrics as poems . . . and that's not such a bad thing . . . if he would have told me they were songs . . .

He did this with a bunch of different songs . . . . most of which I've managed to collect . . . and I like all of them . . . he's the whole reason I started listening to Type O Negative or Nine Inch Nails or any of those other bands . . .

The story with the Fragile is that him and I had gotten into a very large fight one day just before christmas . . . and I was determined not to talk to him online the next day . . . I had him on the list of people that can't see when I'm online on my ICQ and everything . . . I just wasn't going to talk to him for a few days . . . to let it sink into him that the way he had acted was not okay . . .

Things didn't go quite as planned though . . . when I turned my ICQ on, I had about 5 messages from him . . . containing the lyrics to this song . . . only he added a last line of

i won't let us fall apart

All of it together on top of the way I was feeling about fighting with him was just too much for me, and I cried . . . and I took him off the list he was on so he could see that I was there . . . and we made up . . . 'course . . . he had told me that he wrote it . . . and silly me, who didn't listen to the bad yet, believed him . . .

But . . . my taste in music is much broader now . . . and unfortunately that whole incident damaged my trust . . . but not to the point that I can't ever get it back . . . I'm just much more careful than I had ever been before . . .

In other news however . . . .

"Real Life":

Scott came online today, so I know his kitty didn't use him as a snack . . . I know you all were worried about that . . . . although now he seems to have disappeared again . . . he'll be back sometime . . . I'm sure . . . *smiles* . . . but that's about all that's new . . . I haven't worked anymore on my stories . . . but I did get started on the rp section of my site . . . I got the opening Tzimisce page up . . . well the begining of it at least . . .

RP News:

I've decided to let Adrian embrace Loretta . . . and I'll finally get to play a Tzimisce character . . . though perhaps not for long . . . Elkor's been running amuk in the castle . . . inviting people to play his game . . . I'm not exactly sure what all's going to happen, but I have a feeling that people are gonna die . . . should be interesting . . . who knows . . . Elkor said that if I had a character who was a little on the crazy side, I could join him and Blue . . . I was thinking Asrana isn't quite right in the head . . . but then, after he went to bed, I thought back on another character who I played for a very short while that would work perfectly with the two of them . . . last time I played her she was hearing voices in her head . . . she was originally going to be my Tzimisce character . . . and the voices were her sire speaking in her mind . . . but now I think it's gonna have to play it like she's imagining the voices.

We'll see . . . it should be fun anyway . . .

I think I should wrap this up now though . . . I'm way too tired to type out anything that even remotely makes sense, and I don't think Mr Scott is coming back online here any time soon . . .

I'm sure that I'll do another entry after I get some sleep though.

Until then.


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