Dear Keith/Windy Days
Wednesday, Mar. 13, 2002 ~ 10:00 p.m.
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Yes, I know I did an entry only two hours or so ago, but I wanted to write again. It happens sometimes. I hate this little bug in D*land. Some of my Older entries still have this layout, but before I made the changes to it, so they don't all look as pretty as this does, and they don't all have my new links and such in them. That bugs me.
I'm very much hungry, and I'm somewhat thirsty too, but I've been drinking water for most the day. I'm probably still thirsty 'cause I'm oozing again and it's fairly windy here. I've always loved windy days. There's just something soothing (to me) about wind. And when I say a "windy day" I don't just mean a little puff here and there. I mean a full on "don't do anything with your hair 'cause it'll be destroyed by the time you even get to your car" type wind. Windy days are even better when they're accompanied by rain, or even just clouds, though after a while of watching the clouds race across the sky, you could get somewhat nausiated. (I don't think that's how you spell that, but I'm sure you all know what I mean.) The last time I saw Chris, it was also pretty windy. Not as windy as today of course, but still. And there I go talking about Chris again. See, I'm pathetic.
I need to get into writing again. Last time I wrote anything was right after Chris came back to work, and that was two months ago. I'm going through a major dry spell. I also need to put these paint keys somewhere else. Out of sight, out of mind. I hope. Of course that hasn't really worked in the past, so I'm not really expecting it to now.
A friend of mine is finally working on a website for my first high school. Him and I are doing an alumni page and as soon as he gets the main site up (and gets rid of this), I get to contact everyone and let them know about it. Hopefully it'll be up and fully functional in no time. And if he actually gives me all the FTP info, it should be updated fairly frequently. Who knows, maybe Keith will hear about the site and finally give everyone a way to get a hold of him again. Maybe he'll actually talk to me again. If you really want to know the story behind that, you can read this paper. Then of course, there's this: ~She picked out a sheet of pale purple paper, a design lining the top, then picked up her favorite black pen. She's comfortable with the pen, and felt it might make this letter easier to write. This is something she's been meaning to write for quite some time. Perhaps after it's written, she could add it to the top of the pile she already has, and lock them all away forever~ Dear Keith, I've been thinking about you quite a bit lately. It hasn't exactly been my conscious decision to do so though. You've again started to invade my dreams. Maybe it's all the thoughts I've been giving to the alumni page, or maybe it's because I've been talking to people we used to go to school with. I do miss you though. I never stopped missing you. I know you feel that. For almost half my life, you were the most important person, other than family, in my life. I began to feel you slip away as soon as I let you know that I wanted more than friendship. It was a tearing in my heart that I never, ever wanted to feel. Even though the hole between us grew surprisingly fast, you were still the first person I called when I found out that my brother had died. I think I called you that day because you were still the closest person to me. Well, maybe not the closest, but I felt that you knew the most about me and understood me better than anyone else. I remember now that you seemed almost uncomfortable that night. Maybe it was then that I realized that things between us would never be the same. I wanted to fix what I felt I had broken, but you made it so hard. You made it so very hard for me. I did everything I could think of, and we kept growing further apart. It got to the point that I just didn't know what to do anymore, so I did the second thing I regret, I wrote a letter promising to leave you be if that's what you wanted. If I didn't hear back from you, you wouldn't hear from me again. And I didn't hear back from you. I have so many letters that I've written, but I've never sent any of them. And this will be another to add to that pile. Hopefully it'll be the last. Hopefully this is the "goodbye" that I need and I won't feel the need to write to you anymore. But that won't mean that you'll be out of my thoughts. I'll always think of you, I'll always remember you, and I think I'll always love you as the friend I lost. Most of all though, I'll always miss the friendship we shared for all those years. Love,
Hollie ~She sighed, feeling a little better, then folded the sheet, collected the others that were still laying around and added them to the box in the back of her closet.~ 0 comments so far   
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