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Thursday, Mar. 28, 2002 ~ 10:41 p.m.

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Okay. I'm not online right now and I'm typing this entry on notepad. The reason for this is that I just paged Chris. I'm hoping that he'll call me back, but he can't very well call me back if I'm online and my phone line's tied up.

This is really the second time that I typed in here today, but the first time was when my computer decided to stop communicating with the ISP computer. Luckily though, I saved what I had typed, and here it is.


*scratches the tip of her nose*

I'm not really fond of spiders, and I'm having a terrible time typing at the moment.

I think I have fat fingers today, and I know I'm not really all here.

I don't really have an explanation why I haven't really updated this in nearly a week. I seem to go through these phases, and this week was really bad. If you've read nearly the entire diary, you'd know that I go through a week or so where I'm "depressed" or just not into anything really. They come every month and a half or so. Lately though it's been getting really bad. I'm sure it didn't help that I didn't get a lot of sleep this weekend.

Friday, after I got off work, Rodney and I went out and had a few drinks at El Torrito, then he dropped me off at home, and Andrew was there (and up). Him and I talked for an hour or so like we do sometimes, and then he came over and kissed me. Now, this wasn't a little kiss like when we went out, this was a kiss kiss.

I've thought about it since then and decided that I don't want it to go any farther than that. It might be a little different if it weren't for two problems. The first and the biggest problem is that he already lives with me. If things went any farther, he might get used to it and find it easy and way too accessible. The second is that I'm moving and I know I told Matt that I don't want to move with any attatchments.

*quick change of subject*

Oh . . . that was so not good.

I use a few different messengers online, but I only have two on right now. Kyle's name just popped up as coming online on my MSN. I've been told that it happens from time to time because one of his relatives gets on his computer, but I've never been here when it happened.

I don't think I'm ever going to take his name off my lists. I can't make myself do it for some reason.

*end subject change*

I got four hours of sleep on Friday night and again on Saturday night, and by Sunday, I was beat. I slept a good 7+ hours Sunday night, but I didn't feel any better.

I think Tuesday was the worst.

I've talked about how I'm moody in here before, I know I have. Tuesday, though, wasn't fun. It started out with me not feeling wonderful, but I wasn't sad or angry or frustrated or anything like that, I just wasn't feeling good 'cause I hadn't rested enough. By the end of the second hour at work, I was ready to cry. A few tears slipped out, but nothing more. I took a break and came back. By the end of the fourth hour, I was perfectly happy.

Within four hours my moods varied from crying to laughing, for no reason at all.

I've described it to some people and the first question they ask is "are you pregnant?" And as I've said before, I'd have to be getting some to be pregnant.

I've been thinking about going to the doctor and getting some tests done and such, and Lars thinks I should too. I probably will before I leave 'cause I hate feeling the way I do. That's probably another reason why I haven't really been here in a week or so.

I'm going to page Chris and hope he calls me back. I want to talk to him about his depression and what doctor he had gone to for it, whether or not he actually went on meds and if they were helping. Maybe I just want to talk to him 'cause I know he'd understand and he's not someone I work with anymore. I just don't want it getting around work that it's possible that I'm depressed. I don't know why though, since I don't care what people at work think especially now that Chris isn't there.

I don't think it'd matter if he was there. Besides Alicia, he'd be one of the first I talked to about it, which is probably why I want to talk to him about it now.


Yeah. I'm moody.

When I wrote this entry, I was in the same mood as I am now. I'm just kinda not feeling. (Except when I was trying to get myself to page Chris, I was nervous. I picked up the phone, then hung up again. I finally got myself to go through with it.) Though for part of this evening I was happy as could be. I was laughing and such. Maybe that's 'cause Alicia and I went out and had fun.

She picked me up at 4:15 or so and we cashed my check, then decided to go get something to eat. We didn't know where we wanted to eat and she brought it up that we could go to Downtown Disney or the Block at Orange.

I'd already been to the Block, so we decided to go to Downtown Disney. We also decided that we weren't going to buy anything, but I did. I spent almost $30 on one liquid eyeliner. But it was dark purple and pretty and I wanted it and I haven't bought anything that I wanted in quite some time, so there.

We've also now decided that we have to save up money and go back there.

It's actually a neat little place. It's got neat shops and neat buildings and such. We ended up eating dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. It's a little expensive, but it's just a neat place to eat. Kristi told me about it once, and when I saw it, I just had to go.

When we go back, we're going to buy lots of make up, and we're gonna buy some silver jewelry and we're going to go into the candle shop, and we're going to build our own bear, and we're actually going to drink when we go to the Rainforest Cafe. It'll be fun.

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