Funny what you remember.
Thursday, Apr. 18, 2002 ~ 4:30 p.m.
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*grumble grumble grumble* Sometimes things just build up to the point of being beyond frustrating. I wonder how people can live with their own brains. When I make decisions that affect what other people are going to be doing, I think things through before I tell them about the decision. I don't change my mind on a whim (at least not if it's about someone else's stuff). But apparently some people can. Some people would mean my department head, Janet. When I was originally told that I was going to be teaching the faux painting classes, I was also told that Jerry was going to be teaching the power sprayers and pressure washers classes. That changed to me teaching the faux painting classes and Joey teaching the power equiptment classes and Jerry not teaching any classes at all. Now, Jerry's teaching the Saturday faux painting classes and Joey is teaching the Sunday classes. I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of everything that I was planning to do while I was still at the store being taken away from me without even asking me or telling me. Does she think that I have my fucking head in the clouds and don't pay attention to anything? It would seem that way. But you know what? I can't be mad at people. I always feel bad for being mad at people. I can be mad at a situation, or at people's decisions for any given situation, but I can't be mad at the person. I just don't have it in me. When I found out that Jerry (who's not supposed to be teaching any classes on the weekends) is going to be teaching classes again, I told Joey that I'd be right back. I left and went to the JPP to put in my request to be a head cashier. I do not want to stay in that department for the next three months. That's just not happening. I'll personally talk to Brian this weekend about it if I have to. It might be better if there was more communication between Janet and Brian, or maybe if Janet fucking thought even the tiniest bit before she opened her mouth to get on someone's case. I suppose I'm just tired of everything that's going on there. Maybe what I should really do is find out what my stepdad is willing to help me out with if I go out there for the summer before going to Delaware. If he's willing to pay me what I would need to move all my stuff to Delaware, then I'll just quit in May and go live with them for a few months before heading out to DE. I think I'd quit now if I knew I could get another job for the three months that I have left.
On the way to work today I got to thinking about my interview questions from Diary God/dess. I found it strange how certain events can burn the memories in your mind. There will be times that you'll always be able to see clearly because everything around you at the time was burned into your mind. The third question for my interview was about my brother, Matt. Part of what I wrote for my answer got me thinking about all that. I can still remember where I was, who was with me, what the weather was like and how I felt when I got the call from my dad telling me that Matt had died. My mother was cleaning the counters and trying to get lunch started. It was still light and sunny. There was a slight breeze as there always seemed to be where we lived at the time. I was sitting in the roll-top desk's chair when the phone rang. My mother answered it and gave the phone to me. I can still see everything so clearly in my mind. I remember walking over to look out of the window over the kitchen sink and I remember that I didn't really cry at the time. Maybe it was shock, and maybe it wasn't. My dad and I didn't talk for long. There were plans to be made, and my dad couldn't really talk for a very long time without getting too emotional to talk. But he knew he had to call me as soon as he could. I worked that night at 5:30, and I called them to let them know what happened, but that I would still be in that night and I didn't want to work at the service desk. I ended up working in the fitting room that night. I don't remember much of work. It was just kind of a blur, but some friends of mine met Erin and I after work. Frankii was among them and he was supposed to be leaving that weekend. They didn't know what had happened, and when they found out, they all decided to hang out with me that night. For support. It's funny the things you remember. Like, I can still see how they all parked their cars when they met us after work. Maybe it was just my mind's way of never letting me forget. So yeah . . . I think I'll stop now. 0 comments so far   
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