Drunk and Clothes (I can't sleep)
05-15-01 ~ 3:51 a.m.

first | previous | random | next | last

I added an imood indicator thing to my diary . . . and as it says, I'm awake.

It's 4am and I'm awake. See what happens when I take a nap at 6pm? . . . *chuckles* . . . oh well . . . at least I don't have to get up early for work . . . I work at 2 . . . but I think I mentioned that in my last entry.


I was just thinking about how some of my thoughts have changed in this last year. . . . When I first turned 21, I said that I had never been drunk and that I was never going to be drunk . . . now that's changed to I've never been drunk . . . but I might some day . . .

Not that I'm gonna run out and drink myself to oblivion or anything . . . and I still don't want to get drunk, but I'm no longer ruling it out completely . . .

I told Marco yesterday that one of the reasons I haven't ever been drunk was 'cause of Geoff (a guy I used to work with at T.J. Maxx). Geoff used to describe everything about his experiences to me . . . including the after effects . . . colors and textures . . . *wrinkles her nose* . . . ick . . .

There are other reasons too . . . one being that I don't like most drunk people . . . most drunk people start getting stupid . . . and I hate stupid drunks . . .

Maybe the biggest reason though is that my step dad was always getting drunk while he was in the military . . . since he's been out, I think I've only seen him drunk twice . . . in 5 years . . . . and that's not bad at all . . . But I didn't particularily enjoy the times when he was drunk . . . that was no fun for me.


I wonder why it was that I liked Jason so much . . . I knew that he drank . . . . and he was almost always drunk when we fought . . . it was so very hard on me when we did fight . . . very emotionally hard . . . I don't regret the time though . . . a lot of poetry came out of it . . . and I think he improved because of it too . . . and I don't mean to be saying that I helped make him better . . . but I think perhaps he's gotten to realize that there's more in life, and he'll get more in life by being himself, and not being so hard on himself . . . he is a good person, and when he's not trying to impress people, he has a very likable personality . . .

'Course, that may just be my opinion and I like warped people . . . my whole family's warped . . . so I've grown up with it . . .

I like warped people . . . and I like fun people . . . I like both the lighter side and the darker side of life . . . but I'm not gonna give some sort of "life is beautiful" speach . . . I'm just not that type . . .

I am very much intrigued with the darker side of life . . . and by darker I mean the unknown or relatively unknown . . . perhaps that's why I like some of the music that I do . . . some of it sounds sorta eerie . . . like Type O . . . 'course I got that and NIN and APC from Jason . . .

But my intrigue with the dark is the reason for my interest in Mythology . . . and legends and superstitions . . . it's probably why I play about three different types of Vampires in my role playing . . . and I'm sure it's why I dress the way I do at times . . . though that's also 'cause I love the style

Like this dress:

That dress just happens to be relatively see-thru on the back . . . there's a panel of non see-thru material on the front . . .

*smiles* . . . I love that dress . . . not only 'cause it's different . . . but 'cause it's all long and flowy . . . I like long and flowy . . .

People have asked me before if I was gothic . . . and I'm not . . . I've been called Goth before . . . but I usually say that I have gothic tendencies . . . I like some of the clothes . . . like that dress . . . and my dress from Halloween . . . but I don't get all into it . . . I do my makeup heavier at times . . . or I do interesting things to my hair . . . but I don't get into the whole stereotypical depressed moods, and I'm a cheerfully warped person . . .

Maybe . . .


*smiles* . . . but anyways . . . I went from how my thoughts have changed to how I dress . . . I love where my mind takes me sometimes . . .

Maybe I should try to go back to sleep now . . . Who knows . . . with all this useless stuff out of my head, I might be able to.

0 comments so far

host

moon phases

Dark Petals on a Pale Rose