I'm afraid it'll come back.
Friday, Jun. 07, 2002 ~ 3:48 a.m.
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I've got a little bit of a headache, but that's alright. I'm used to it by now. It doesn't seem to matter how much liquid I drink when I'm oozing, I always get a headache. I will be going to bed here soon though. I only slept til 4 this afternoon, so I'm a little sleepy. I still feel fairly good. I was all smiles at the meeting at work this morning, even though Janet was there. Maybe that's 'cause both Shane and Richie were there, and of course, Brandon. I'm just afraid I guess. I didn't like how I felt, and I'm glad that I'm not feeling like that anymore. I didn't like feeling frustrated as soon as I walked in the door to work. I didn't like not wanting to be around certain people. I really didn't like being moody. I didn't like feeling like I was going to snap at people. I didn't like not being able to smile when I wanted to. I'm afraid that I'm going to feel that way again soon. It just seems strange that I feel good now. I haven't felt good, like this, in such a long time. I mean, I've had moments that I was happy, but this has lasted for almost a week now. I haven't felt frustrated or anything close to it since I made the decision to quit. But I don't not do my job or anything. I haven't changed what I do. Maybe it's just knowing that I'm going to finally be able to start over again soon. Maybe it's knowing that things may actaully work out the way I want them to for once. Maybe it's knowing that I'll get to see my little brother and my dad soon, and that seeing them will make them happy, and I'll be happy because of that. I'm afraid that I'll start feeling depressed again and that I really will need to go see a doctor. I've decided that if I start to feel the way that I did again, then I'm definitely going to see the doctor. Since I've started to feel good again, I've realized how wrong it was for me to be feeling that way. It wasn't normal, and it wasn't just a mild thing. It was very wrong for me. Something in my mind tells me that I will feel like that again. As much as I don't want to, I believe it. I've mentioned in here that I still feel hints of it from time to time. It's not gone, but somehow it's just been pushed back. It's just waiting. Maybe it'll stay hidden until after I move. I just know it'll work it's way back to the front of my mind and slowly take it over and break me down until I'm no longer able to fight it. 0 comments so far   
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