I'm still here
Friday, Jul. 19, 2002 ~ 12:52 a.m.
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It's been fairly hectic around here. I've managed to get most my stuff moved to my aunts house, my train ticket paid for and my moving stuff arranged. All I have left to do is repack some things so my brother can have his boxes back and sell my car. I'm afraid that selling my car is probably going to be one of the harder things to do. Unfortunately I leave next week. I'm not really sad about leaving. I definitely wasn't sad about leaving the Long Beach area. I came to realize that I never felt at home. And, since it was never "home" (even though I lived there for a little over two years) I had no problem saying goodbye. I didn't really have to say goodbye to anyone there either. I'm going back up to a ball game on Sunday to hang out with people from work, but that's alright. After Sunday, then it's purely moving stuff. The movers are coming on Monday or Tuesday and I leave Wednesday. A couple things are a little hard to believe. The first is that I actually did it. I didn't think I'd actually be able to do this move there for a little bit, but I guess life is finally deciding to work with me. Maybe I'm finally making the right choices for me. But, on the other hand, it's hard to believe that I'm actually leaving here in less than a week. I'm leaving a state that I've lived most of my life. The good thing is that I didn't grow up down where I've spent the last 7 years of my life, and I think that's what's making this move easier. In my opinion, it's just another move. Only this time, I'm going to live with my dad for once. The only thing I'm worried about is the trip to Matt's grave next month. If I don't get a chance to go with Josh and then by myself, I'll never make it through the family visit. I don't know why, but I do know what I'd do. I would distance myself from them and my mind would drift off into its own little world. I wouldn't watch them and I wouldn't talk to them. I need to go on my own and finally say goodbye. I have this strange feeling that I'll probably spend quite a bit of time in the graveyard. Maybe it'll be my place to go when I want to be left alone so I could write or something to that effect. I think that when I take the few classes in the spring, I'll take some creative writing classes. I'll see how I do in them. I just sent an email to my cousin, Aaron, warning him that I was moving over in that general direction. He moved over to New York to live with his brother, Cory. Those two are perhaps my favorite relatives out of everyone. They're fairly strange and somewhat mismatched, but they get along great. They're sorta like my brother and I, only exaggerated and flip-flopped, and if that didn't make any sense, tough. I'm going to try to update a few more times before I leave, and I will be continuing my paper journal while I'm on the train, and hopefully I'll get everything typed up shortly after I get to the other side and you can actually read all of what went on when I had no computer. I just know everyone's dying to do that. Oh, one last thing. Happy birthday Gerald. 0 comments so far   
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