I want to Disappear
Tuesday, Oct. 21, 2003 ~ 6:00 p.m.
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I just want to disappear. I just want to not exist for a while. I don't think that would make anything any better, but I'm not dealing with the stress well. I vented to Daniel for a little over half an hour today. Everything at work is so frustrating and it's so much worse now because of hearsay and shit. And, because Keith's a complete asshole. Yvette tells me to go to my ASM when I have issues instead of going to anyone else first (such as Linda). So, I saw Keith this morning and talked to him about stuff. I talked to him about Dusty going. I talked to him about Robert's issues (which I found out more about this evening and he is going to quit). I asked him if he knew anything about me going to paint 'cause I had heard that from Dusty and Larry actually. I never once mentioned Linda's name because I know how Keith is. Now, I went to my ASM and discussed my issues, and he went straight to Yvette and said whatever it was that he said, and she got upset at Linda. I was at lunch with the Admin Manager from Christiana today when Linda called me about the conversation that she had just had with Yvette. I still haven't really gotten a chance to talk to her. When I was talking to Daniel, I told him that I wanted to go talk to Yvette, to find out what was said. He suggested that I should wait 'cause apparently I'm supposed to be kept in the dark about the fact that something's wrong. I'm supposed to wait for Yvette to come to me and ask me which she won't 'cause she thinks Keith is absolutely wonderful because he does everything she tells him to. And because of that, she's going to pretend to care about what I have to say if she goes as far as asking me, but it's not going to matter because his words will have more weight than mine will because I do have issues and I do speak up from time to time. I am trying my hardest to get along with Keith because he is my direct supervisor, but I have never, ever disliked someone as much as I dislike him. And I have never been anywhere that has put this much stress on me. The stress is bad enough at the moment that my body aches and I have no appetite. I've tried eating stuff, but nothing is appealing and I can't eat more than a few bites. I couldn't finish lunch today and I had marshmallows for dinner last night 'cause I had to get some sugar in my system. Liz is about to get here though, so I'm gonna wrap this up and go hang out with her for a bit. I really, really just want to disappear because this is not healthy for me at all. 0 comments so far   
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