Hiding in the Light
Wednesday, May. 08, 2002 ~ 4:26 p.m.
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First things first. Happy Birthday Mother, I hope you do really go out and do something fun. It's your day. Enjoy it. *smiles* . . . My mother doesn't read this, but that doesn't stop me from putting that in here. Perhaps one day I'll send her the address to this diary and she can read everything that I've "been through." Maybe a better way to put that is "everything that my mind has put me through." I've come to realize that most of my problems are just my mind messing with me. I tend to over think and I tend to get down about the littlest things. I used to find the little bit of happiness I knew from the little things, but not now. There are a lot of things I need to do, but I think the most important thing is fixing whatever it is in my mind that's not working right. I need to get back to how I was quite some time ago. If I don't, I'm afraid that I'll drag myself down so far that there'll be no hope of ever escaping. Perhaps that's what really frightens me. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to get back to being me, the "me" that I enjoyed being and that everyone else enjoyed being around.
I think I've got everything working right now. I went through all my entries and took out all the thorn divider images, replacing them with the hr code that way I won't ever have to do that again. I've got a poem up on the poetry page, and I think I know what I want to do with that. I'm going to change the poem once or twice a month and with each poem, I'm going to tell the story behind it (if it has a story). I definitely like the title that I've given this layout. "Hiding in the Light" seems not only to describe the image up top, but it seems to describe what I feel like I'm doing as well. I'm cold, and I don't like being cold, but nothing that I do seems to warm me up. I've got one of my blankets over my shoulders and every few minutes or so I shiver. All I feel like doing is climbing into bed and wrapping myself up in all my blankets, quilts and comforters, but I know that if I did that, I'd fall asleep. I definitely can't fall asleep right now. I have to work really early in the morning and I have to sleep tonight. Speaking of work. There are some changes going on at the front end and there's a rumor floating around up there that I'm training to be a head cashier. That was news to me, but I'm thinking that if I can get a head cashier position, I might stay for another month or two. At this point, I'm not sure if I'll have enough money to move in July. And, as much as I'd hate to leave my brother waiting any longer than he has to already, I might just have to. 0 comments so far   
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