Cleaning, the perfectionist way.
Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002 ~ 4:38 p.m.

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I don't really feel any better today. I feel like I'm just walking around in an emotional daze. It's almost like I want to be upset about something, but my body won't allow me to. My hands are a little shaky, but that's it, and I don't really know if that's from not having much to eat today or because of how I'm feeling. I've cleaned most the stuff in my room (which was the cause for the comment my dad said yesterday that got me going). Not cleaned so much as put away.

By asking me to keep my room clean all the time, my dad is asking me to change my very nature. I'm extremely organized outside of my room. I'm even organized when it comes to some things in my room. That's probably why I don't like cleaning my room. I'm a perfectionist, and to clean my room, I have to go through everything. That just takes entirely too long and it takes too much effort. It seems like too many things lately take up too much energy and effort. All I ever feel like doing anymore is laying or sitting and spacing out. I used to enjoy little problems, and now I look forward to "space out" time, time where I think about nothing and I feel nothing.

I suppose I should get going now though. It's about time for my second hour of Charmed for the day.

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