Stuff....Dreams....etc.
Monday, Jan. 12, 2004 ~ 6:46 p.m.
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I need to be around people, but I'm not. And I can't be around just anyone. I need to be around people who aren't going to ask me questions about my thoughts and feelings. And who aren't going to question what I say I feel (or don't feel as the case may be). There's only one person who can get away with asking me how I feel and why I feel the way I do. And he won't ask. I don't know if he's noticed or not, but that's alright. I don't really know what I want to talk about. I just felt that an update was overdue. Lately I haven't been in the mood to write. Hell, I haven't really been in the mood to do much of anything, but I have. I've spent quite a bit of time with Linda, Daniel and Lilly. And, when I wasn't there I was usually either sleeping or working. Sleep has taken up quite a bit more time here lately than usual, but that's because I've been dreaming quite a bit. Right now I only remember snippits of a few. One of the first one was kinda scary for me. I felt very uncomfortable and very trapped by it. Basically, Bob had set up a mock wedding for us on the beach with a bunch of other couples. My families were all there and they all looked so happy. I didn't have the heart to tell them or Bob that I didn't want to marry him. I tried telling the officiating person that I didn't want it and all I got was a reassurance that it wasn't a legal wedding. I didn't care whether it was legal or not. I felt very, very trapped... like there was nothing I could do about it. The only other dream I remember anything of was kinda odd, though very "energetic." I think it took place at my second high school. The school was decorated with christmas lights. The Charmed girls were coming to film a show at the school for some reason, though I think that's only 'cause I had recently watched charmed or something. Anyway. There was a thunderstorm with lots of electical activity. I remember quite a few strikes and at one point, lightening struck somewhere that ended up sending flashes of electricity along all the christmas lights. Everyone in the dream were fairly frightened at that point. And if anything else happened, I don't remember it . . . I think the primary color in that dream was gold or yellow. Anyway. I think I'm so used to feeling the way I do from when I was like this all the time a year and a half or so ago, that I hide it very well. When I'm at work I seem perfectly normal. When I'm at home I get all detatched and such. So much so that Terri's started to ask me if I'm okay every time we talk. I guess my mood shows through my typing. I don't know though. 0 comments so far   
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