More Rambling (no sleep)
03-05-01 ~ 16:43:25

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It's 4:45 . . . and I'm awake . . . why, I don't really know . . . but I am . . . and I'm not liking it much . . .

I fell asleep today at around 10 am or so . . . then I woke up at 1 . . . or so . . . and now I can't get back to sleep . . . I've read an entire book already today . . . it's not a new book . . . it was The Snow . . . by Caroline B. Cooney . . . one of those young adult horror books that I used to read . . . they're a good way to pass the time . . . especially if I want to get to sleep . . .

Although reading today put me in the mood to write . . . I started thinking about the short story that I'm in the process of writing . . . well I've completed the first part . . . but it hasn't gotten much farther than that . . . . perhaps I'll try to write some more of it tonight after I wake up again

And my foot's numb . . . sometimes it seems that I can't sit a certain way without half my leg falling asleep . . . but anyway . . .

The more I've been thinking about it . . . I find it rather amusing that I've gotten into writing and stuff . . . all through high school and junior high my least favorite class was english . . . and my grades always slipped in those classes . . . and now . . . in college . . . most of my extra/"fun" classes . . . have been english classes . . . mostly poetry classes, but this semester I considered taking a fiction class . . . that would have forced me to do some "real" writing . . . since of course poetry isn't "real" writing . . .

The thing I like about poetry is that there are no rules to follow . . . unless of course you're trying a form poem . . . but even then the rules are made to be broken . . . I don't do much form poetry . . . mainly because most of them have some sort of rhyme scheme, and I don't like to rhyme . . . I've only used rhyme in two or three of my poems . . . four at the most . . .

I have, however, fallen in love with the sestina . . . it's a form for narrative poets . . . "song of sixes" . . . . six stanzas of six lines each, then a three line envoi to finish it . . . the same six end words appear in each stanza, but never in the same order, however, there is a pattern to the words that's followed . . . then each of those end words also appear in the envoi . . . two to a line . . . one burried, and one at the end of the line . . .

There's also a double sestina . . . it took me a while to figure out the pattern, but I finally did . . . I'd like to write a double sestine, but I'm having trouble picking out 12 end words . . . I keep wanting to use the words that I've picked as end words elsewhere in the poem . . . and that just wouldn't work . . . then there'd be too much repetition I think . . .

I eventually hope to write a double sestina . . . or at least another sestina . . . I have a set of six words picked out . . . I just have to get creative . . . but I think I'm spending all my creative points on my website . . . even though I haven't had to be overly creative up until now . . . I've completed the "real-life" or non role playing section of my site . . . now I have to start getting creative and start on the role playing section . . . though now that I've started to work on it, I don't think it's going to be as involved as the non RP section . . . most my character profiles are done . . . at least the basic info . . . I should probably sit down and write out some of the character stories . . . and I might do that . . . after the site's up and running properly . . .

I'm still deciding whether or not I'm going to straight out link this diary to my webpage . . . right now it's linked to the page . . . but the link is burried on my message board links page . . . as an afterthought . . . I don't know if I really want my parents to read this . . . its sort of like how I felt when I knew that they wanted to read all my poetry . . . it would let them see a part of me that I had always tried to keep hidden from them . . . I didn't want them to think there was anything wrong with me . . . that had been my fear about letting anyone I knew well to read my poems . . . . it took me forever to let Erin read my poems . . . even though she always wanted to . . . She knew my poems were an outlet for how I felt . . . and I knew that she'd think some of the poems were about her . . . which some of them were . . . kinda . . . but not entirely . . . and the feelings in most of them were exaggerated . . . poetic lisence . . . .

I do have some poems where the feelings in them are definately not exaggerated . . . Torn for example is one of them . . . as much as I wish that feeling was exaggerated . . . it's not . . . when I read that poem outloud in my poetry class last semester I could still feel eveything that I had put into it . . . and it hurts me to think I still feel that way . . . after everything that's happened since then . . . it's almost been a year since I wrote that . . . and after things had calmed down with me, Jason was such a sweetheart, and I don't hold the past against him in any way, shape or form

I think he'll always hold a place in my heart . . .

heh . . . I've rambled quite a bit today . . . I guess I have a lot of things I wanted to get out that I didn't know about . . . I might have to do this more often . . . it's sort of . . . refreshing I think

My fountain needs more water, but I don't feel like going out of my room right now . . . that's sad isn't it? . . . .oh well . . .

Well . . . I think I've satisfied that urge I had to write . . . even though I didn't actually physically write . . . I just punched keys . . . and with all those images and ideas I had floating in my head for creative things to write about . . . I did this instead . . .

I may have had ideas for being creative . . . but they were all just random little thoughts . . . none of them connected in anyway . . . so I wouldn't have been able to produce anything useful

heh . . . and I'm wandering off on a tangent again . . . or maybe it's not a tangent since I never really had a point to begin with . . . this whole entry has been a wandering thought . . .

But I think I'm going to try to get some sleep now.

Until then

~*~*~*~*~
Hollie
030501
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