War, Daniel, Work
Saturday, Apr. 12, 2003 ~ 2:03 a.m.
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I debated for quite a while about whether or not I actually wanted to type in here tonight. I have quite a bit to say actually, but I don't really want to say it all. Some of it, like the work related stuff, I don't really need to say 'cause I've gotten it all out already today. I talked to Liz on the phone and Karen on the phone. I also vented to Juel online and made a few comments here and there to people at work. But anyway. One of the key sentences up there was that I talked to Karen tonight. We haven't talked for quite a while, so there was a lot to catch up on. So that's what we did. A fairly quick catching up, but catching up all the same. If you've read most of my more recent entries, you'll know that I wasn't really for this war. For the most part, I've actually not paid any attention to what was going on with it. All of my family is now out of the service. I didn't know anyone that was there. At least that's what I thought. Depending on how long you've been reading my ramblings (or how nosy you are), you might remember a guy named Daniel who was around when I first started this diary back in Dec, 2000. Daniel Clemons. My first entry was done when we were in the middle of what ended up happening with us. All of this does relate. Really, it does. I can't really ignore the war anymore. You see, Daniel was in the reserves, but he was offered the chance to train in the special forces division with the Army, and he took that chance. He married Beth and I believe they ended up getting stationed somewhere in Arizona, but I really don't know. The last time I personally talked to Daniel was in the beginning of '01. When I was talking with Karen tonight, she told me that she had recently heard from Patrick (Daniel's brother) and that no one had heard from Daniel in a while. It ends up that he was up in the front line action. So, as of last week, no one had heard from him for a while. Which could mean a variety of things. The most likely scenario is that he just can't get a call or an email out, but I wonder. I always do. Thinking about Daniel, combined with reading through my entire diary this past week has brought back a lot of memories that I had almost forgotten about. Some of it was tough on me. There's a lot in here that is serious and a lot that was just thoughts through my head. There's a lot of change, but that's to be expected. This is my diary and over the past two years, I have changed. I've done a lot of changing. Last year I was "down" a lot, depressed even. I'm not anymore, and I think I showed that today. Even though I was grumpy and such at work, the word depressed never crossed my mind. I refered to myself as "emotional" and I was fairly pissed off. (Now, I guess I should jot down the "why"s for this particular feeling. I worked Saturday through Friday, 7 of 7, and each of those days {except Monday and Tuesday which were my original days off and I came in 'cause they asked me to} about 10-12+ hours a day. I asked today if I could go home an hour early 'cause by lunch today I was already at 55 1/2 hours for the week and I was determined not to hit 60. I was told that I couldn't. Then, a little later, I was told that I could not go home until all the freight was put away. This was about 1:30-ish and at that point, we still had 6 1/2 pallets to do, including a pallet of quarts {which takes forever}. I ended up with about 63 hours for the week, and I am never, ever doing that again. My favorite phrase for the evening was "They can bite me.") Now, I'd definitely say I was angry, and that's where the tears came from today. Frustrated and angry. I guess it was just everything. Work and personal life stuff. I just let it get to me 'cause I was worn out. I've told Josh before that if I don't get enough rest (not necessarily even sleep), then I'm not careful with how I let myself feel. And I so don't want to end up like I was last year. My hands are getting so "weak" that I'm having trouble typing. One of the side effects of sleepiness. I should probably get to bed. I'm going to attempt to ground my mind and body before falling asleep so that I might actually be able to rest. I'll probably go into some of the other things I was wanting to talk about sometime tomorrow. Maybe I'll even try to make up a current Cast page for after the move to the east coast. 0 comments so far   
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