Disconnected
Thursday, Sept. 15, 2005 ~ 9:06 a.m.
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I think I want to run away. The possibility of moving away from everything I have ever known is actually real for once in my life. Granted, we aren't ready to do that yet. We have to take two trips to this place to make sure that we like it. I can't really see how we wouldn't like it though. My life is coming together here, but it's not home. I have my cats here, safe and sound, though Luna keeps hiding under the bed in the second bedroom. I think she's just a bit slower on getting used to the change than her brother. Rajah's been out and about, visiting with us. He's laying at the top of the stairs now. I feel as though I'm so disconnected from everyone and everything that I used to know. I don't like that, but maybe it's my way of preparing me for moving away again. I hate feeling like this. I wonder if Mike feels the same way. I know we try to go out with friends, but we don't always get there. To me it seems like an effort half the time. And he doesn't want to go without me. I don't see Lilly much anymore either. Part of the reason is because she's in school. Another part of the reason is that I don't go over there much anymore (partly because I don't want to leave Mike here .. they get along well too). I did something yesterday that was something that I wasn't able to do before. I took a note that I had been given last year and I shredded it. I've always been a packrat that lived more in the past than the present or future. I think I'm moving beyond that now. I'm moving forward. This note that I shredded was one that caused me quite a bit of pain at the time. I found it when we went to the storage unit to get the other litter box for the cats. I guess I had tossed it in there when I was packing up my stuff from the apartment. I really didn't expect to find it in there, but I reread it and felt a bit of sadness, but not much. It was the note from Daniel that was the first step down the steps that would lead to the reality that I didn't want to deal with because it meant doing something that I had never done before and that I had never wanted to do. But ... it turned out for the best. It felt good to be able to let go of the past. I may do that with the little case of notes and letters that I have stashed away somewhere from my highschool years too. I know I'll be getting rid of quite a few things that I've been holding on to for one reason or another here soon too. Once we get the last part of the house painted and everything, I'll be able to go through all the stuff in the storage unit. I think I've rambled enough though. And, I think I need to renew my d*land supergold stuff .. my comments aren't working at the moment. Blah. 0 comments so far   
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