Peaceful
Friday, Oct. 10, 2003 ~ 2:09 a.m.
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I just came back from the cemetery. It was absolutely beautiful and exactly what I needed I think. I was upset, but I'm not anymore. Or at least not as much as I was. I'm still a little upset. Why, you might ask? Because I wanted to just hang out with Daniel tonight. Maybe talk some after hanging out with Liz and James. Or even just watch tv or movies or something. Anything really. I left to go over there at about 8:20-ish and I'm home now. We hung out with Liz and James 'til shortly before 11, then on the way back, picked up Shannon from work 'cause she needed a ride. We all went back to his house, then shortly after that, he left to take Shannon to the base. I left the house at 1:40 and he still wasn't back. I tried to call him on the cell to let him know that I was leaving, but he didn't answer that either. I knew I didn't really want to come home 'cause there my mind would just continue to go in the direction it was going and I fully admit to having some irrational thoughts for a second or two (going along the lines of just wanting to forget the whole thing even though I know I can't 'cause he's never let me just walk away from it all.) I wanted to just drive 'cause driving is very therapeutic for me. The only problem with that is that I'm low on gas and money and I have to drive back to Clinton, MD on Sunday. So, instead, I decided to stop at the cemetery. I mentioned that the cemetery was absolutely beautiful, but I didn't say why. There's a full moon out tonight which is part of the reason I stopped there. I needed to be somewhere peaceful, somewhere that spirits can speak freely and be listened to. Spirits including my own. I spoke to the inhabitants of the cemetery as well as the moon herself. And I know that sounds odd, but it's not. So the full moon played a part in the cemetery. Everything was bathed in the light. It was very easy to make out what tombstones said. Shortly after I got there, the fog started coming in. Now, I love the fog and I wonder if She knew that I was upset and brought the fog in at that moment to help me feel better. The fog is a security blanket of sorts. It helps blur the lines of the world. It helps things blend together and yes, it's a way to hide. By the time I was ready to leave, the fog had settled all around me, weaving it's way between the tombstones. So, if you add all those images together with this last detail, you can see why it was so beautiful and soothing. This cemetery is fairly large and sits overlooking the lake in town. So, yes, I was upset, but the very night chose to help me feel better. 0 comments so far   
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