I lost a friend . . . again
but it wasn't who I thought it would be.
Saturday, Mar. 06, 2004 ~ 11:34 p.m.
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So yeah. I don't know if I'm going to have anything to add to this tonight, but I did want to type out what I wrote last night in my paper journal while hiding away in Daniel's room. ~*~*~*~*~*~March 5, 2004 (Friday) 10:44pm~ I really don't know what I did wrong - or even if I did anything wrong. Today, while I was out with Lilly, I passed by Liz's house. So, since I hadn't heard from her, I thought I'd stop and see how she was doing. I saw her dad earlier in the day and he had said she was in the hospital the day before and was supposed to stay in bed. (For the record, I had planned on stopping by whether or not I had seen her dad.) Silly me for being concerned for a friend. James called me this evening and his first words to me were "What were you thinking?" Then he went on to say that it might be different if I had talked to her in the past two months. I wanted to say "it's not like I haven't tried." He implied, heavily, that there was some reason that she hadn't been calling me back. I want to know when things changed, and if they haven't, why couldn't he tell me that she didn't want to talk to me on any one of the conversations him and I have had. Instead, he waited 'til I did this to call and yell at me, made me feel like I have done something wrong. If it weren't for Daniel and Linda, I'd feel absolutely worthless at the moment. Liz was one of my close friends here and now she wants nothing to do with me and I have no clue why. I wish I did and I wish I could stop crying about it. I hate crying. Lilly was sweet though. I was laying in Daniel's room and she brought me the green blanket and got a book off of Daniel's dresser. I finished Chocolat and put it up there. She knew that I had been reading it and she figured it might help me feel better. So, now I'm down to only the people in this house as my close friends here. Liz and James both have my number if they choose to talk to me again. I'm not going to force myself on people who don't want me. I've been through all this before and I was afraid of it happening again, but I was not expecting it to happen with her. C'est la vie. I am emotionally drained. It's been a long time since I've felt like this, but at least it's not as bad as it used to be. I think I'm going to lay down now and close my eyes at least. 11:10pm end ~*~*~*~*~*~I guess there are just some things to elaborate on a bit. I elaborated a little while typing (the non-italicized bit). The time before this one was the Keith thing which took a long while to get over, but I was friends with him for about 9-10 years before hand. And I was afraid of it happening again, but I was afraid history would repeat itself and I would lose Daniel's friendship. I never even thought that I would lose Liz's. And, perhaps I haven't. But, James made it sound like she wants nothing to do with me. I was very, very upset last night. I didn't sleep well at all. When I woke up in the night, I was awake for hours at a time. I don't have much else to add. I'm going to be running maintenance stuff on my computer here for a bit. So I'll end with this: Liz and James, I don't know what's going on, or why you've decided to not talk to me, but I'd like to know. Even if you still chose to not talk to me. I can respect that. I just ask that you respect me enough to at least tell me why. Thanks,
Hollie 1 comments so far   
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